Month: February 2020

I was in the kitchen when I heard the front door unlocking. What I didn’t hear was the jangling of keys or the usual chorus of hellos as my children greeted their father with shrieks at the door. I looked into the living room and saw what I had hoped would never happen: one of my children walking out the front door. The volume that left my body surprised me as I ran after him. The girl twin stared at me shocked, because yelling had not yet become one of my signature behaviors (that fight would come much later with postpartum struggles – a story for another day). My feet moved as quickly as they could toward the boy as I screamed for him to get back into the house. 

“What are you doing?! You do not open the door or go outside with mommy and daddy!”

His eyes welled up with tears as I looked down at him – five times his size. 

“You scared mommy! You could get hurt! Do you want to get hurt?”

He shook his head and stood in shock while he cried and I yelled. 

What I wanted was for him to stay in the house. What I wanted was for him to know that I love him too much to let him do things that were not safe. He did not get that from my behaviour. Volume does not always equate power in humanity. But that is not so with God. 

If God raises His voice to speak, it would do us well to sit up and listen. Of course His Word, the scriptures. But also what it says in those scriptures. He used His words to create the world that we exist in. He created our limits with His words. The beaches that are frequented so heavily during these summer months were created by His words. How the psalmist describes His voice makes me feel even smaller than my boy twin when I yelled that day. Instead of a simple fear, I am struck to awe. 

Stop for one moment. The sound of His voice melts the earth.

Take a deep breath to take that in. He created the whole earth with His words and yet…His voice melts the earth. What a great power!

We rage and totter. We can’t figure out what we’re doing and we get angry and fight. Not so with our God.He is powerful beyond what our minds can grasp!

God is with us. This earth melting God who can do whatever He pleases chooses to stay near to us. He chooses to make His home with us. He is not only a transcendent God – a God who is far above us. He is the God who is near to His people. How comforting is it to know that the God who created the earth and can crush the whole thing, is with you and helping you and on your side? Don’t let that pass without being in awe. 

It’s easy to bypass truths in Scripture that we’ve read many times. But what I’m suggesting is that you slow down and soak it in. 

It’s not that He will be with us or that He once was with us. He is with us right now. He isn’t far away. He isn’t indifferent toward us. On the contrary, He has made His home with His church and He uses His power on our behalf. He is our refuge, our strength, our fortress. 

He is where we turn in times of trouble. When I scream in sin and fear at my kids, the Lord is my refuge. I can turn to Him and He will continue using His great power to make me more like Christ. His Spirit reminds me that I am Him child. I have not been left alone to figure it out on my own. I have been lovingly drawn closer because of Christ’s sacrifice on my behalf. 

If your inclination when you sin is to run, make sure that you’re running toward Christ and not away. You do not save yourself. You do not use your own strength. You are not your own refuge. He is these things because He loves us. He is with us. 

After I yelled at the boy twin, I pulled him in close. I held his face and told him that I love him and that I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I admitted that I am afraid. He cried more and gave me big hugs. It doesn’t matter what he does, I will always love him. How much more does our Father pull us in when we run to Him when we are afraid? When we know that we’ve done something that He does not like. Go back, again, to Christ. Be reminded of who you are. 

If you’ve never believed before, turn now. Admit that you cannot keep to His perfect standard and that you need a Savior. He will not turn anyone away who comes to Him. He is mighty and faithful to save all who turn from their sin and believe in Christ’s work on the cross for salvation. Then the living Christ will be with you to help you all the days that you live.

Husband and I are thinking of moving. So, of course, I have been looking online and dreaming about what my ideal home would look like. The kitchen would overlook the fenced in backyard where there is a deck and lots of grass for the children to run and play freely. Inside, the kitchen would open into the dining space because that is where people enjoy congregating. All of our friends and their kids could spread out in this space. Nearby would be a playroom where we could easily hear and check-in on the children, but they’d still have their own space. But that would still be separate from the living room where the sitting area and television would reside. 

At least two bedrooms for the children, but they’d all share one bathroom. Husband and I, on the other hand, would have our own bathroom in our bedroom next to our large walk-in closet. Why do I need a large walk-in closet? So that I don’t have to see any of the clothes or dressers while I’m resting because my bedroom would be my special space of calm. 

Somewhere in the house – not in the kitchen – would be the washer and dryer. They would have their own room with cute signs labeling all the cleaning supplies and a table or counter where I would fold all the clothes while they are still warm. I would be so good at laundry because of my perfectly kept laundry space. Apparently this space would turn me into a completely different person because it would be so perfect. 

All my dreaming does not create a space that is actually perfect. Perfection is found only in the Lord. In Psalm 46, the psalmist goes on to speak about the holy habitation of the Most High. If we look into the new testament scriptures, we know that the river who makes us glad is the Holy Spirit. 

After reading that God is our refuge and strength, this is so comforting! He makes us – His church – His habitation. And helps us there. When I first read this, the first thing that I thought of was heaven, where God resides. However, when reading it altogether, He does not have to “help” heaven when morning dawns. Heaven is a perfect place that is full of His presence. 

His people, however, are in constant need of Him. He makes us glad in His refuge. He is always with us. We are not moved. We are planted with Christ. We were bought and made right with Him and there is no changing that. He helps us in our times of need. Actually, He helps us all the time. 

I think of how much I need the Lord in my daily life. I get my kids ready for the day. I go to work. I interact with so many other image bearers and I want to do it in a way that honors Him. I cannot honor Him without Him. There is no version of myself that brings glory to the Lord on my own. There is no version of you that brings honor to the Lord without His help. He does not leave you to do so either. He instead makes Himself always available to us. His Spirit is a river – always flowing within us – making us glad. Filling us with joy. Making us dependent on Him. 

Don’t minimize that or think that you bring Him more glory if you try to muster up obedience and endurance on your own. The living water that we are privileged to drink freely from never runs out. It never dries up. And He can constantly make all of us overflowing. Rest in Him. Know He is with you…every morning.

My pastor’s wife asked how our week was at vacation Bible school. Before I realized that this isn’t what people say to the first lady of the church, truthful and sincere words came out of my mouth:

“It was a good week, but I won’t be volunteering again next year.”

I didn’t get into the details at that moment, but I remember the night of the storm. The night when I couldn’t get through the fast food drive-thru quickly enough. The night that we all had to run from the car into the church building and from behind me I heard the cries of my four year old, “MAMA!!! HELP ME!!!” When I turned around I saw the unexpected, her shoe flowing down a stream toward a gutter drain. She stood, watching it while she cried for her mama. 

I sat down the baby – in her car seat, but still outside – to chase the shoe while water poured down from Heaven on us all and thunder applauded closely in the distance. I handed the girl her shoe, picked up the baby, and we ran into the church building. After counting to ensure that I didn’t miss any of the children, we continued on to VBS like it was a normal day.

I ran in that storm, but I did not control it.

I helped in that storm, but I did not start it. 

I felt the rain and wind. I heard the thunder. I saw the lightning. I did not control it.

But isn’t that true for most of the stories of my life? And yours? We don’t control them. We don’t choose the when and where and how strong of the storms. And if you’re like me, you scream and stand still like my daughter did. I am afraid and helpless while I watch the things I think that I need and love go toward the metaphorical gutter drain. Fear freezes me and I can’t remember how to do anything but cry out for help. 

The good news: God hears the cries of His children and He helps them.

How many of these situations are controlled by humans? We cannot control the mountains being overcome by the seas. We cannot control the roar and foam of the oceans. We cannot control the downpour of rain on our lives. 

That’s okay because these verses do not say that we do not fear because we take control of it. It doesn’t advise learning to swim and pretending that the waters are not overcoming you. If the water has overcome a mountain, it is a fair assessment that you have been drowning with the mountain. Instead, the place of refuge – safety, shelter – for us is in God. He is what grounds us and keeps us safe. We go to Him for all we need when we are overcome with life situations. When my husband loses his job again or when I can’t control my own thoughts. God is my refuge. He is where I go and He is where I stay. 

What else is the Lord for me in times of fear? My strength. Being our own strength and living our own truth (don’t even get me started on that nonsense right now) is what we are constantly told will sustain us. I’ve been told that I am enough by every online influencer (just learned this was a thing recently) and friend who means well. But I don’t need to be reminded of my strength. My strength is questionable at best. Instead, it is the never-ending strength of the Lord that I need. He sustains me. 

When I look to myself the waters rise and I am overcome by anxiety and fear. I can’t see how I will get out and the circumstances cause me to drown in the high waters. But that’s because I can never swim well enough to make myself feel still in the midst of it. But God. God is not surprised  by my storms. It doesn’t shake Him at all that things are not going in ways that make me uncomfortable or uneasy or that cause me to soak my pillow in tears each night. He is my refuge and my strength. 

It’s not only that He is those things, but He is available and present. I tend to swing too far in the direction of God as transcendent and forget that He also is my very present help in times of trouble. What good would it be for Him to be our refuge and strength if He wasn’t also helping and available to us? Thankfully, He is all these things. Run to Him faster and harder than a mom in the rain chasing a flip flop down a stream.